6 Practical Life Skills Rooted in Faith for Every Child—No Matter the Challenges
I lay my youngest son James down in his crib after nursing him one night. His behavior concerned me.
My older two sons needed holding, caressing, and physical touch when they were infants. James didn’t. Breastfeeding him felt like was “all business” for him. He ate and wanted to be put down. That emotional bond naturally fostered by caring for an infant didn’t seem to happen.
I remember looking down at him that night thinking: either he is cognitively developmentally delayed, or he just doesn’t like me. What infant doesn’t like their mother?
About a year later, he was diagnosed with being on the Autism Spectrum. I had secretly suspected that. Reading those words on the evaluation report, however, made it undeniable.
There was a real possibility he may never live independently. A quick internet search into people on the spectrum living independently resulted in a wide range: 5-79 percent. Such a wide gap indicates differences are probably definitions of “independent living”. Either way, I knew the practical life skills to prepare him for independence would need intentional teaching. He would also need practice. I wrestled with what does it take to live independently with Autism Spectrum in the equation.
We all want to raise our children ready to step into the adult world.
We hope our children will become loving family members.
God promises that He has a life of purpose for every child. This purpose brings fulfillment. It holds true no matter their struggles or perceived “impairments.”
Below are Six Practical Life skills that help prepare our children for the big world beyond home.
The Foundation
Matthew 22:37–39
Jesus replied:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your mind.
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.‘”
All components of life on earth flow from this foundation.
Personal Faith
The habits of regular Bible reading and prayer are formed in childhood. While busy schedules, homework, and extracurricular activites make consistency challenging, these practices anchor God’s values in a child’s heart and mind.
The world beyond home is a battlefield—our children need to learn how to suit up. Regular church attendance nurtures affection for God’s community and provides opportunities to serve.
Serving Others
Begin close to home—grandparents or other relatives are a great place to start. Serving others teaches children that they are not the center of the universe. It shows them they are valued and capable members of a family and community.
As a result, self-confidence often grows best when a child sees their ability to help someone else.
Relationships
Some children are natural social butterflies; others are content with solitude. Both, however, need at least one or two close relationships where honesty, shared interests, and trust can grow.
Healthy relationships must be explicitly taught. Children need guidance to discern whether someone is a true friend or someone seeking to take advantage.
Emotional regulation, self-advocacy, and boundary-setting are essential skills.
Communication Skills
Every human interaction relies on listening and expressing thoughts clearly—verbally and non-verbally.
Self-advocacy skills are essential for working toward independent or semi-independent living.
Teaching and practicing could include such vocabulary words as “excuse me”, “help”, “problem”, “need” or phrases such as “Could we talk about ____?”, “I’m going to need____.”, or “That makes me uncomfortable.”
Sometimes with impaired executive functioning or language skills, or social anxiety scripts can be helpful to tell others what problems your child (or adult child) may be having.
My son requested on being put on any station at his first job at Taco Bell except the cash register since his math skills were poor. (That request was granted. he eventually learned and felt confident he could work the cash register after some time.)
Scripts are helpful for requesting accomodations that would be beneficial such as “Could I have a checklist of all my tasks for my job please?” It is not unlikely that others working or living are your child (or adult child) have complaints about him/her. Scripts can alleviate stress of not knowing how to responding to other’s complaints about them such as “How can I solve this problem?” or “Can I take some time to think about what I need to do?”
Communication may be simple or complex, spoken, written or signed. Functional reading is about an eighth-grade level and allows independence. Functional writing includes personal information such as name, address, phone number, and age. Keyboarding skills are essential—even if it’s just “hunt and peck.”
God has given us sound minds. Parents have daily opportunities to strengthen his/her child’s ability to understand the world. Functional communication skills pave the way for your child to find their place in it.
Home Skills
Cooking, cleaning, and doing laundryare foundational and practical skills for independent or semi-independent living. Thankfully, these practical skills can be taught small step by small step and practiced daily. These skills offer a wide margin for error. Not to mention, stakes for unsuccessful performance age are very low.
Money Management
Children need both instruction and practice when it comes to handling money.
Our culture of consumerism creates temptations to imprudent beliefs around the role of money in one’s life, complicating this all important life skill.
Money management may be difficult, but it is simple.
- Money is for managing, not for spending.
- Give 10% of your gross income to your local church. The Almighty and Gracious God in heaven gave your the where-with-all and the job to provide for yourself and help others. Honor His gift with your tithe.
- Save 10% of your net income. Old age happens, plan for it.
- Pay all monthly bills on time. Special needs kids need to understand the painful result of late payments. Short-term consequences in include late fees and increased rate fees for credit cards. In some states, landlords can begin the eviction process after three days late on a rent payment. Long term consequences include difficulty getting approved for utility accounts, cell phone plans, affordable car insurance, or new apartments.
- Practice planned spending. You decide where your dollars are going before the paycheck hits the bank. This habit establishes and maintains responsible bill paying. It thereby frees up room for spending money on this that you enjoy. After all, nobody likes to work hard all month long and have no money left after all the bills are paid to spend on things or people that you enjoy.
We as parents and others involved with our child often get caught up in the weeds of urgent demands of parenting a special needs child. I’ve created an info-graphic summarizing the various skills. It’s handy to have visible.
Teaching all these life skills seems daunting
God gave a solution to this daunting task of preparing our children for adulthood.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, while you lie down and when you get up.”
Moses writes about to teach and train of the ten commandments. The same process can be applied to the teaching and training for skills needed in adulthood. He This includes reading the Bible regularly, cooking, or paying the bills. Explain what you are doing and why. Involve them in some part of that task appropiraite to his/her age and ability.
All of these skills require starting at a basic level. Then gradually progress to completing the selected task correctly and independently. You can teach and train consistently. But kids don’t always see the need for these skills, much less want to acquire them!
Maturity is often compared to an internal clock readying a child for specific skills. It would be nice if you could rush that maturity. It would make parents lives easier, but it develops when it’s ready.
As you know, teaching and training can often be exhausting and frustrating for you as the parent. So is learning and practicing for your child.
Be patient with your child. Be patient with yourself.
Consider the ways in which you are already preparing your child for their life ahead. Persevere.
Parent Reflection
- Which areas feel strongest for my child right now?
- Which one area feels most challenging?
- What does progress look like for my child this season?
- What small step can your child practice this month?
- Where do I need support, grace, or rest as a parent?
Where is my son on the autism spectrum James today?
He works at Walmart full-time. After about a year, he progressed from an entry level position to a higher level of responsibility posistion. He purchased (from mom) a 660 square foot condo. Settling in and making this place his own brings him joy and satisfaction. He drives a hand-me-down, 2002 Crown Victoria. So far, he is, except for the condo payment, debt-free.
For we are God’s handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
to do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10
Your child’s strengths and weakness…
Next blog posts will tackle the approach of finding and feeding your child’s strengths first! Then managing his/her weaknesses!
let’s help each other out! What skills are you targeting with your child? What tips can you offer others that have worked for you?
Estimated reading time: 11 minutes
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