Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
Training Up Your Child: Discover and Nuture Their Unique “Smarts”.
We are instructed to train up our children. Let’s dig into this and find exactly what we are to train them to do.
A big question for me was always “How” to do this.
First we need to notice that the word TRAIN is used, not TEACH.
Teaching is a transfer of knowledge. Psalms 34:11 speaks about teaching: ““Come my children, listen to me: and I will teach your the fear of the Lord.” This teaching is done by telling. All students are taught the same precepts. The child’s mind, heart, and will are engaged to receive knowledge about our Master. All children need to be taught about awe-inspired reverence and worship with obedience.
An example common in the life of a teenager is what happens in the Driver’s Education class. The teenager learns the rules of the road and how to navigate safely to their destination. Has the teenager mastered the skills needed to drive after several weeks of class? Are they prepared for a cross-country road trip? Not by a long shot. After the class is completed, then the Student Driver gets behind the wheel with the Instructor by his side to practice. This is where training begins.
Training is about a transfer of skill. Training is accomplished by modeling, correcting, and providing many opportunities for practice. The end goal is to show skill in a task, like driving a car safely. This is a highly individualized example of learning. The specific objectives or skills to be trained are based on the child’s inclinations or aptitudes and needs. Training is highly student-centric.
Proverbs 22:6 makes this clear by using the phrase “the way he should go”. After digging into that phrase, I learned it means “narrow.” Focus on the skills your child needs for the “good works”. These are the tasks God has prepared for him/her to do (Ephesians 2:10). Now, of course, we don’t know what plans God has for our children. But God does. Leave that for Him to reveal to your child.
Jim Fay (in his book titled “Parenting With Love and Logic“) wisely stated that “highly successful people put most of their efforts into their talents and maintain minimal standards in everything else.” We can look for those raw materials God knitted into the inner workings of your child that he/she will use later in life.
Consider which of the following “smarts” your child displays. They most likely have more than one.
8 Great Smarts
Where was this information when I was in the midst of raising my sons? Looking back, I can see now the sprouting “smarts” in my sons. These turned into undergirding skills.
They now perform their vocations based on these skills. The following is a list of different ways a child can be smart. More detail is given in the book by Dr. Kathy Koch called 8 Great Smarts, Discover and Nuture Your Child’s Intelligences.
But for the purposes of my blog post today, I will summarize each one. Most times your child’s “smarts” surface as interests. What are they doing in their spare time? What draws and maintains their attention? “Smarts” also can be noticed in ways they behave. At these times the child is using his/her smarts to an excess or inappropriately. I can envision the cogs in your brain turning faster. You recognize the ones that describe your child’s bent.
Word Smart: These kids think with words. They, most commonly began speaking at an early age. Characteristics include being “a talker”. Reading and writing come easily and are enjoyed. Large vocabularies are common. They speak confidently. Report cards will say something like “Talks too much in class”.
Logic Smart: These kids think with questions. These kids need things to make sense. They drive their parents crazy with repeatedly asking “Why”. Science and math are usually subjects of interest to logic-smart kids.
Picture Smart: These kids think with pictures. They doodle, draw and create. They are drawn to pictures (of course), diagrams, maps, charts, or illustrations. They see details other kids miss. All of this design can go on in their minds, and easily.
Music Smart: These kids think with rhythms and melodies. They can get lost in music and sounds. They also make much noise. These kids often find anything to use as a drumstick. They drum to the rhythm of sounds in the environment you do not even notice. They hum, tap their fingers or toes, or whistle. Classes in choir, orchestra, band or musical theater will be their choices for electives in school.
Body Smart: These kids think with movement and touch. When they are excited, they move. Moving is like breathing. This is seen in their interest in hiking, sports, dancing, acting, camping, playing musical instruments. They think best when they are moving. Unfortunately, that need for movement can be annoying to teachers and parents alike.
Nature Smart: These kids think with patterns. Nature-smart kids are comfortable with animals and being in nature. Weather, gardening, environmental issues are of special interest to them.
People Smart: These kids think with people. Reading body language and facial expressions then responding appropriately comes easy to these kids. Much joy is derived from talking with people, understanding them, and comforting others. Reports cards say things like “Jonah plays well with others.”
Self Smart: These kids think with reflection. They like choice even though it takes time to make that choice. They need quiet, peace and privacy. Thinking deeply helps them understand when learning and studying. Being confident in their beliefs and why, standing up for those beliefs occur often. They don’t need other to tell them what they know. Sometimes these kids are described as loners, quiet or careful. They know their own strengths and weaknesses.
Take a while to intentionally observe your child. How do they spend their free time? Do they enjoy company or solitude? What energizes them? What do other people observe in them? You will see a common thread in what they say, what they do, and how they feel about things. Maybe you already know.
8 Great Smarts in Real life…
Typing class in high school was difficult for me. The limited movement in my fingers made typing accuracy and speed impossible. I wanted to quit typing class. I struggled to keep up and type using the usual finger placements on the keys. My parents and the teacher met to discuss the matter.
My wise and gracious teacher, in essence, said “Do the best you can”. I don’t remember the grade I received. However, I felt confident to do the best I could. There was no pressure to perform beyond my capabilities. Writing this post requires more time than another person might take. The multiple errors require correcting. But it gets done in spite of my manual impairments.
Math was my nemesis. I remember being frustrated in my high school Algebra class. When learning about equations like 6 + N, thinking you can’t add a “N”, it is not even a number! My dad was a math brain. He calculated large numbers and even fractions in his head with ease. When attempting to help me with math homework, he did not understand why I couldn’t do the same. Calculating was so simple to him. Taking any math class beyond the required ones was like asking me to fly to the moon. “Math smarts” were not in my DNA.
To this day I can’t add 2 + 2 and get 4 everytime. Nonetheless, as an adult, I keep my finances simple. That way I can mange them, even in light of my poor math skills. Poor aptitude is no reason to discontinue attempting difficult skills. That’s when supports are a valuable aid in accurate performance. I always calculate manually and then check my accuracy with the calculator. I have to say, my math skills have improved even in adulthood.
I don’t remember what my grades were in math either. I do remember what my grades were in English, English Literature, French and Latin. All A’s. My parents probably thought my taking Latin and French would not be of much use later in life. They never said otherwise though. My decision to take these classes were made with no forward thinking into my future. I just liked words, definitions, and the roots and history of the word. I enjoyed getting into worlds through books I couldn’t get to in real life. I lived vicariously a life of adventure my physical limitations would not allow. I enjoyed diagramming sentences as well. It made sentences easier to understand. Yes, I was a word geek.
Well, lo and behold, my degree upon graduating college was in Speech-Language Pathology. The “smarts” God knitted in my inward parts were the ones needed for this job. “People smarts”, with which I was born, was an asset in my practice as a Speech-Language Pathologist as well. Whether my patient was a child, young adult or senior, I was able to read people effectively.
This ability allowed me to treat my patients and engage with their family members. I gained insight into how best to encourage them. It also helped me structure therapy for the successful accomplishment of goals. This was also an occupation that I still perform as my physical limitations increased.
My oldest son Joel had “pattern smarts” and “people smarts” hard- wired into his DNA. He had an interest interest in airplanes and machinery very early in life. The military, guns, airplanes, and social interaction drew him in.
One clear summer day, I looked down at the ground 200-300 feet below me. I remember thinking: “My 15 year old son, literally, has my life in his hands!” I was in the back seat of a Cessna 172 airplane. Those kinds of planes are merely thin sheets metal and Plexiglas. It just feels like flying in a phone booth.
My oldest son Joel, was at the helm. The flying instructor was in the co-pilot seat. Showing my confidence in his ability to fly, I went up with him during one day’s lesson at his request. That was my one and only flight with him! My support for his interest in flying came in words of affirmation after that day! (Flying lessons and aircraft fuel are not cheap! Finances were always a struggle while he was at home. I don’t remember how we did it, but somehow God provided the cost for these lessons. God always provides for kids in training! And that’s a blog post of another day.)
I felt so sorry for his instructor. Joel had no fear of anything and was impulsive to boot. (This is my ADHD son.) He possessed the personality combination of being mischievous, a risk-taker, and “people smart”. I put the shenanigans he pulled while up in the air of that little Cessna 172 out of my memory. Whatever they were, that poor flight instructor white-knuckled the dashboard of that plane many times. Joel told of his instructors angst during their lessons with much delight! He was energized when flying and delighted in making his instructor sweat! This is an example when a particular “smarts” can go south.
Joel graduated a semester late from high school. Joel wouldn’t just get up and go to school on time. He often missed classes. The consequences of that culminated in his senior year. It appeared he would not graduate because he had not gotten enough credits. His grades were far from stellar. I had given up on trying to get him up and out the door on time for school. I had a job to get to. I also had two other kids to get up and out the door in the mornings.
In his senior year of high school, out of utter frustration, I made an announcement. But, at age 18, if he hasn’t graduated, he’s moving out of the house and getting a job. He knew what he needed to do to graduate. If he choose not to make graduation happen – no skin off my nose. I had gotten my high school diploma. It was completely up to him to get his. Graduation came a semester late. The next few years were, shall we say, a series of failures. He flunked out his first semester in college. He got fired from his first job.
He then decided to join the military. The military?!?! My first thoughts when receiving the news were couched in fear for his life. “They are going to put him on the front lines of some battle and he will be front-line fodder. He is so impulsive he’ll advance in battle before the order is called. He’s going to die!” Moms get dramatic when in fear for their kids lives. If that doesn’t happen, he will spend all his time in the brig for mouthing off to an officer!
Joining the Air Force was the best thing for him.
The results of the Armed Forces Vocational Aptitude Battery helped him “narrow” down to the smarts God knitted into his DNA. The military gave him the tight structure he needed. It gave him the time to mature. It gave him the opportunity to use the “patterns smarts” and “people smarts” with which he was born.
His “People smarts” came in handy one day during basic training.
He took his turn to clean the Drill Instructors room. The new recruits are kept busy and performing physically demanding drills, in part to keep them tired. He was tired and not feeling well as he was fighting a cold. Well, he was caught sleeping in the Drill Instructors bed!
He was promptly dragged off to the Commanding Officer and severley reprimanded. The scenario was like that you see in the movies. The officer up in the recruits face, yelling, and calling them all kinds of names. When telling me about it, he reassured me he would not get kicked out of the Air Force. Because of his “people smarts” he knew the real purpose of that reprimand. “Mom, It’s all a game. They want you to know they are in charge and you are not.” Thank goodness he didn’t end up in the Air Force jail!
Fast forward several years. He left active duty as an airplane mechanic. He went to the Spartan School of Aeronautics in Tulsa, OK. There, he took the Airframe and Power Plant course of study. Much to my surprise and disbelief, he was voted Student Of The Year for his school! He was also voted National Student Of The Year for all the aeronautical schools nationwide! Plus, he was Valedictorian of his school! He sent me a copy of the nomination letters written by the instructors. Were they really talking about my son?!?!
He has since gone active duty again as an airplane mechanic. Since his body needs to be in motion, he owns a side business. He operates an airplane mechanic business servicing privately owned planes.
Spartan School of Aeronautics as Valedictorian.
It was a long time coming, but God was faithful.
My parents directed me in the way I should go.
And then years later, it was my turn to train.
I was unaware of it. Yet God used my floundering attempts at parenting to “train Joel in the way he should go”.
Praise be to God in heaven!
What “smarts’ does your child seem to have? Share ways you have cultivated those in your child? Looking forward to hearing you are noticing their child’s “smarts” and feeding those smarts!
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