The Way of Perseverance

The B.E.S.T. answer to embarrassing moments with your special needs child.

Five things to consider before those embarrassing moments occur:

• First, attend to your child. As much as possible, mitigate the cause of the unexpected behavior. Reassure their fear or remove them from an overstimulating environment. Protect them from self-harm or harming others.
• Don’t make excuses for your child. This behavior is communicating his/her inability to cope the situation challenging for him/her coping skills.
• Only apologize if he/she has harmed another or property. Give your child the words or ways to apologize (whether they want to or not) for damage done.
• When possible, identify causes of this unexpected behavior, avoid triggers, train your child in coping skills.
• Remember this is a single moment.

Let’s “zoom out” on this single moment. This embarrassing moment will pass. Other moments of growth and joy will come. God gives a multitude of moments which accumulate into years, so that you might “train up your child” (Proverbs 22:6). This is a child learning to navigate a world difficult for them to understand. They need grace. And time.

In these tense moments, It is you, the parent, that need grace from onlookers. Ironically, it’s you, the parent, that are the ones giving grace to onlookers for their annoyance or judgment.

I understand. People have no idea the issues with which you are dealing. It’s hard, but you be the Grace-Giver. Be encouraged to exemplify graciousness to others witnessing another human struggling to persevere.

If you have a special needs child, then their behavior has been the source of embarrassment for you some time or another.

Embarrassment and me go way back. The first couple of decades of my life I embarrassed my self. One day I was “normal” and the next day I was “disabled”.

My disability embarrassed me. I had to wear an “oh so fashionable” Frankenstein leg brace. I walked funny and had to have help. My manipulation of eating utensils, a pen or typing on a keyboard were attention-getting because they were “unconventional”.

People naturally stare at anything different, so I got a lot of them-stares that is. Still do.

The next couple of decades it was my kids’ behavior that embarrassed me. My youngest son was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum at 2 years. Transitioning from one situation to another caused him much anxiety. One transition in particular was him getting on the school bus each morning. All he had to do was stand on the driveway, walk a couple of steps to the bus and a go up a couple of couple of stairs onto the bus. You would have thought I was trying to push him into a burning fire. People think that since your the mom you should know how to get a little kid on the bus. On top of that struggle, I was walking with a forearm crutch at that point, didn’t have great balance and couldn’t physically pick him up and put him in. Every morning it was a battle. It’s so embarrassing struggling with my physical limitations and his transitioning anxieties in front of someone regularly.

Let’s go to the place that has the answers.

What does the Bible have to say about children with special needs? Not much about special needs children specifically. But (depending on definition of “disability” sources site 35-75 verses on disability. What is specifically addressed are 4 themes including God’s sovereignty, healing, dignity of disabled persons, and relationship.

Let’s look at the few verses addressing disabilities in general and see what God teaches:

Reference	Person and Disability	Lesson
Exodus 4:10-12	Moses-Slowness of tongue	To show that God is sufficient for us, no matter our limitations.
II Samuel 4;4, 9:7	Mephibosheth-lameness	To show God’s lovingkindness through David to “anyone“.
Mark 10:46-51	Bartemaus-blindness	To show Jesus’ mercy that quickens faith and perseverance.
John 5:1-5	Man at Bethesda-paralyzed	To show the “works of God“-being the Light of the world.
II Corinthians 12:7-10	Paul-“thorn in the flesh”	To show God’s provision of strength in weakness.
Mark 2:1-12	A man paralyzed	To show that sins forgiven is more important than a body healed.

We can see the disability is the conduit through which the works of God flow. The Light of the world is Jesus. He illuminates God’s sufficiency in weakness and limitations and the kindness shown to “anyone“. His mercy fuels faith and perseverance.

Never think that God sits back on his throne, high and lifted up, unaffected by hardships we and our children endure. Matthew felt a strong need to record Jesus’ feelings for posterity. This was when he saw a crowd of followers, many of whom needed healing. He had compassion on them. As a fellow human being Jesus “understands our weakness” (Hebrews 4:15).

Spiritual holiness is God’s prime concern for the human beings He created. God is not surprised by our child’s behavior. What other humans think about the appropriateness of our child’s behavior is irrelevant.

Now we can be confident in the power, provision, and perseverance we have at our disposal in training our child.
Let’s put this into practice.

Embarrassing moments will continue. Maturity and experience will take care of these moments eventually.

“God doesn’t care what people think when the growing human being He created in His image acts inappropriately.

We shouldn’t either.”

Care to share an embarrassing moment in the comments below? After the fact they can be humorous. Let’s share a laugh today!