My child is so impulsive!
If Joel thought it he said it. If he thought he did it.
My son’s impulsivity wore me out!
I could not get ahead of it. He thought of doing things I never, in a million years, would have thought about doing.
His father was a hunter and reloaded his own shells. If you have a child that is impulsive, I’m sure you know where this is going. Gun powder was readily available in the shop but the shop was generally locked. But one beautiful fall day it wasn’t.
I was in the house and heard a loud bang a little ways off. I didn’t think anything about it. Because we lived in the country, people frequently shot off guns practicing for the approaching deer season.
It wasn’t the neighbors trying to increase their shooting accuracy. It was Joel.
He had watched enough John Wayne movies to know that gun powder trailed along the ground, ending at a big pile of gun powder and debris makes an exciting explosion. What he didn’t account for, was that the length of the gun powder trail determines how much time one has to run away before the pile explodes. He under-estimated. He lit the beginning of the gun powder trail. The flame progressed to the end and exploded much quicker than he had anticipated. Thank God in heaven he wasn’t hurt.
What I learned much too late were three things:
- The frontal lobe is the part of the brain from whence comes wise decision-making.
- You must co-pilot their frontal lobe for many years.
- Maturity is not complete until the mid-late twenties, especially for boys.
P.S. This co-piloting business is tough.
Praised be to God He has given parents tools to help the maturing their developing frontal lobes.
- Practice delayed gratification. Impulsivity can be foster by using waiting periods for things they want to have or to do. It can be simple and frequently occurring as taking them to the store with you. Buying something very small and let them hold it. But they must wait to open it or to eat until they get home. This was a genuine struggle for my son.
2. Fun activities will always trump over challenging or unpleasant ones. Any activity that requires deadlines, boring chores, or a long series of steps to complete will need your monitoring. Consequences for failure will need to be in place. (More on this in my post titled Train Up Your Child With Their Smarts In Mind.)
3. Count on reduced impulse control when in a group. Voice your expectations, limits, and consequences for behavior before social situations. They will need to tell you the others attending this event, the exact location, time of arrival home, and method of relaying any change of plans. Let any supervising adults know your child will need to remain on the premise. You’ll likely get some objection to this. Too bad.
4. Regularly review the rules in advance for situations in which the child must exercise impulse control. For young ones, that may be not begging to stay longer when at a friend’s house when it’s time to go home. For teens it may be requiring the cell phone to be inaccessible while driving. This, of course, requires the rule-making parent to adhere to the same rule.
5. Heap praise on the child when impulse control is observed!!!
Fun ways to reinforce your child’s ability to manage his/her impulsivity…
Books
This storybook is a unique approach to teaching self-control to children whether or not they have ADD or ADHD. In this full-color, illustrated storybook, Hunter teaches students how he learned to use his very special remote control to become more successful. Once children read or hear Hunter’s story, they can create their own amazing remote controls. Remote control buttons include: • Channel Changer,,,Filtering out distractions • Pause… Stopping to think relax and create a plan • Fast Forward… Thinking before acting • Rewind… Shifting focus from past failure to future change • Slow Motion… Slowing down and managing stress • Coach… Problem solving • Zapper… Recognizing and rejecting negative thinking • Way to Go!
What Should Danny Do? is an innovative, interactive book that empowers kids with the understanding that their choices will shape their days, and ultimately their lives into what they will be. The book follows Danny, a Superhero-in-Training, through his day as he encounters choices that kids face on a daily basis. As your children navigate through the different story lines, they will begin to realize that their choices for Danny shaped his day into what it became. And in turn, their choices for themselves will shape their days, and ultimately their lives, into what they will be.
Parents and teachers recommend this book for kids between the ages of 3-8 yrs old.
Roxy the Rhino doesn’t mean to interrupt or cut in line or take things without asking. Sometimes her excitement just takes over. Roxy has a problem with impulse control. Thankfully Roxy meets a new friend who teaches her to stop, think, and wink. Maybe some things are worth the wait–and friendship is definitely one of those things!
Games
You are already using one of the best and simplest ways to facilitate impulse control at home. Games! Playing games requires folllowing rules, listening to instructions, waiting your turn, problem-solving, and regulating emotions.
Object of the Game
The goal is to win all the cards, by being first to slap each jack as it is played to the center.
The Deal
Deal cards one at a time face down, to each player until all the cards have been dealt. The hands do not have to come out even. Without looking at any of the cards, each player squares up their hand into a neat pile in front of them.
The Play
Beginning on the dealer’s left, each player lifts one card at a time from their pile and places it face up in the center of the table. When the card played to the center is a jack, the fun begins! The first player to slap their hand down on the jack takes it, as well as all the cards beneath it. The player winning these cards turns them face down, places them under their pile of cards, and shuffles them to form a new, larger pile.
When more than one player slaps at a jack, the one whose hand is directly on top of the jack wins the pile. If a player slaps at any card in the center that is not a jack, they must give one card, face down, to the player of that card. When a player has no more cards left, they remain in the game until the next jack is turned. The player may slap at the jack in an effort to get a new pile. If the player fails to win that next pile, they are out of the game.
Jenga Hardwood Game
Stack the wooden blocks in a sturdy tower, then take turns pulling out blocks one by one until the whole stack crashes down. Is your hand steady enough to pull out the last block before the tower collapses? If it is, you’ll win playing the JENGA game!
Don’t Break the Ice Game
Tap out ice blocks one by one, but Don’t Break the Ice! The object of this classic game is to keep Phillip the Penguin on top of the ice, but as the game goes on, the ice blocks start falling. One wrong block, and he’ll go ker-plop! The player who can keep Phillip from falling, wins! Play 1-on-1 or as a team of 2!
Includes 2 mallets, ice tray frame, 4 ice tray legs,1 large ice block, 32 small ice blocks, Phillip the Penguin figure, and instructions
- Players tap out ice blocks one by one
- To win, keep Phillip the Penguin on top
- Play with 2-4 players
- Ages 3 and up
- Adult assembly required
Before You Start
- Designate an open area free of obstacles. If objects are present that cannot be moved, point them out and remind everyone that they must be careful not to touch another person or object.
- Have the radio or music player ready with an appropriate station or music selection.
How to Play
- In this activity, everyone dance as the music plays.
- When the music stops, each player must freeze immediately and hold that position until the music begins again.
- If a player does not freeze immediately, s/he does 10 jumping jacks during the start of the next round and then rejoins the dance.
- Since this is an aerobic game, it is better not for players to get “out.”
I’m sure everyone reading this has a story they could tell about their child’s impulsivity. Would love to hear about yours in the Comment below.
2 responses to “Managing Impulsive Behavior in Kids: Strategies for Parents”
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[…] moments will continue. Maturity and experience will take care of these moments […]
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[…] felt so sorry for his instructor. Joel had no fear of anything and was impulsive to boot. (This is my ADHD son.) He possessed the personality combination of being mischievous, a […]
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